Sat at a bar Sunday night, drinking whiskey while listening to live music. Found my mind wandering. Wrote down my thoughts. Felt it would be interesting to compile them into a post. Could become a regular thing. I am inside my head quite a bit, but I never reflect on what I am thinking or feeling. I sweep it away to some dark corner of my mind and naively hope that this rids me of them for good.
Sunday, March 14 11:08 PM
Ice Cube Inventor
Brewing beers and assorted liquors
Stilted life still life
Oils perfunctory
Alone in a Crowd
Luck of the Ire
Spilled drink/broken Glass
Creative lost, never found
Jealousy
Envy
Awkward Conversations
Diseased mind
Short stories
Get it out
Sickness on paper
Sunday, March 14 11:11 PM
Something oddly relaxing about sipping whiskey and listening to music. Nostalgia passed through the generations? Simple human pleasures. Both aural and oral wrapped into one satisfying activity.
Sunday, March 14 11:18 PM
Relationships have always been a weird thing. You give to get. It seems selfish in the end. Am I giving to give or giving to get in return. Cynical to a tee and manipulative. I've treated relationships like a game without realizing that there in no structure. No structure. I can't predict it. Failure.
Sunday, March 14 11:22 PM
Humans are social creatures. Fact. Why do I rarely feel this particular urge common to us all? Here I am amongst people, but feel no urge to converse. Understanding must come first? Will I ever understand enough to feel at ease?
Sunday, March 14 11:24 PM
Am I creative? Cannot help but feel that I mimic rather than create. I played an instrument by reading sheet music. I drew by copying what I saw. Can I create?
Sunday, March 14 11:28 PM
Why am I so secretive? Can't help but think that I enjoy being mysterious. What else do I have to offer besides the mystery of who I am. I know exactly who I am and will never tell.
Sunday, March 14 11:36 PM
Passivity is my mortal enemy.
Clowns come second.
Zombies round out the list.
Sunday, March 14 11:43 PM
Touching is a weird thing for me. I dislike it SO much for the most part. Maybe its the whole emotional connection thing that bothers me. I like to keep emotions at a distance and touching disturbs this. There are exceptions. Special people.
Sunday, March 14 11:46 PM
Becoming emotionally attached to people scares me. Sometimes I wish that I never opened up. Me a year ago was oddly content. Serene even. Me now is up and down. Are the ups worth the downs? I like to think so. Hope so. Wish so.
Sunday, March 14 11:47 PM
I project an aura of indifference. I can come off as dismissive of others. Appearances often hide the truth. I am within myself so much that I often forget about the outside world. I feel. I remember. I take it all seriously. I don't show, but I care.
Sunday, March 14 11:59 PM
Something in the air. Desperation? Everyone is desperate for something. What do I want most of all? A brain? Have one though the quality is suspect. Heart? I feel in my own way. Courage? Bullseye.
